Your order of John has been served
by chocolateCherries45
Summary: The situation clearly not resembling a romantic comedy in any way, Dave Strider comes into the same Cafe everyday for the past few weeks. The food is great and all but...another reason has brought him here. That very reason was a black-haired, bucktoothed waiter walking around and damn. Dave was going to get a date with him no matter what.
1. Chapter 1

(A/N: fuck i've started this a month ago but i was so busy with everything else and i stayed up til 3am to finish this OTL anywayy enjoy~ reviews are always appriciated)

Dave Strider never thought he'd be sitting in this café on the edge of town waiting for a cup of coffee as he did for the past 5 weeks. Well why wouldn't he? It seems perfectly normal to get one but since Dave was too cool for any of that Starbucks crap that hipsters and white girls always Instagram hoping to get "likes" on their half-assed pictures with filters. Anyway, he tapped his fingers on the table with a bored expression on his face. Now some random person with nothing else to do other than to ponder the meaning of life beyond their universe might be thinking: "Why does he go to this café everyday for the past 5 weeks?" After all…this place had a reputation by being run by some of the ermm..craziest folks in town. Yup, Café Skaia had great food but crazy people behind the show. It was run by this one lady everyone called: the Condesce and her extended family employed there. But no matter, that's not why Dave was here.

Well what was he here for?

The very reason he breathed and lived for the past few weeks, walked by on by wearing the uniform. Yes, that person who everyone called "John Egbert" or at least that's what it said on the name tag. Black hair, glasses, and buck teeth shown in a smile was the very reason Dave has been absolutely infatuated with the man currently taking orders. He watched John as he took orders and delivered food to the table, observing the creases in his clothes, the sweat on his skin, the expressions on that perfect face of his, and the adjustment of his glasses, slipping off his nose. Now, a sane, normal person might have made their mood on a person driving them insane with desire but…here's the thing.

John seemed so amazing that…despite Dave being a cool kid who's nothing but cool irony most of the time.

He had no idea how to approach John. Cool kids didn't freak out every time the object of their affections even moved an inch near them nor stare at them when they think they're not looking. But John was different. Normally, Dave would try to pull some of his normal, flirting on typically everyone, even his friends. But nooo, John had to be a special kind of person and make the cool kid feel…something nervous for once (not that Dave would ever admit that because being nervous was for losers). Well, he was never going to get anywhere by just staring at love on legs so put yourself out there Strider. I'm sure that whatever comes out is not going to totally make John never want to see your face again. Okay here goes.

Soon, John came over to his table, wanting to take his order because it was his job and all.

"Welcome to Café Skaia, may I please take your order?"

"Yes, well, I'd like 4 cups of coffee, black, with some cream."

"Wow..That's a lot of coffee there. You have some kind of mind-killing project to do later?"

"Nah, I just like my coffee I guess. Tea's fine but coffee gets me going. It's nature's way of shock therapy for the tired as fuck person. Like seriously, coffee is a slap to the face to a person who needs to get shit done, but the slap hurts less the more you do it so it gets less effective over time like tobacco or some shit they taught in health.

"Wow, that was sort of confusing but it kind of made sense. Heh, coffee coming right up and are you sure you don't want anything to eat?"

"I try, all part of my charm and nah, I'm good. I've got you to talk to."

"I'm not really supposed to be talking to my customers but you seem pretty interesting. After all, no one ever comes more than once to this café. Guess they're all scared off by the owner, heheh"

"Right… How's working under the 'batterwitch' by the way? Seems like she'd be a great empress. She'd probably take over the world with Betty Crocker products because I can tell she uses them like how people use razors."

"You sure got that right haha, your order is coming right up, sir."

"Call me Dave, Dave Strider and I'm counting on that or no tip~"

"Don't be a jerk man or I'll spit in your coffee."

"And hehe, wow John-flavored coffee. Isn't this progressing our 'relationship' too much? Sharing spit with each other."

"Shut up, you know I mean it by not being a jerk," John left to go get his coffee, hips swaying a bit to the side. Dave got a good look at his ass while John was getting his order and rushing around getting everyone else's orders. _Oh my god, I managed to talk to him not that I was nervous at all because Striders always get the chicks or rather this time, a dude. Just keep it going and something more will possibly happen. Otherwise I'll be stuck pining after him in a damn coffee shop like in a fucking romantic comedy or something._

He watched John as he talked with his other co-workers, lips moving, smiling, laughing a bit as he chatted up the person behind the counter preparing the coffee. His grin is a sight Dave wouldn't mind seeing for a while.

"4 cups of coffee, extra cream for being such a dedicated customer"

The coffee tasted good, kind of heavy tasting and dark. The aroma filled his senses; he enjoyed a good coffee but he enjoyed the server handing it to him even more. Tapping his fingers, sipping coffee seems like a nice way to enjoy life right? Too bad the coffee is expensive and man, you gotta go to the bathroom soon, but before that..the bill comes.

$14.27…shit that is way too much for coffee especially for the purpose of that sexy waiter waiting for the bill. Getting an idea, he wrote something down on the bill, handed it to John, subtly winking at him and walked into the bathroom.

Curious, John opened the bill, seeing the usual payments and all but saw a tiny note scrawled at the bottom in pen.

"I ordered all this dam coffee so you'd talk to me but now I have to pee. *insert sad face here* Soo, tell me: is there a non-creepy way to hit on your waiter? If so text me how?"

John blushed a bright red when he read that. What? He was…hitting on him? What? No one ever did so this was all very confusing for John. He never thought about dating anyone really. Too busy keeping a job after all. Dave came back, went over to John and leaned in his ear.

"That was only the beginning of sweeping you off your orthopedic waiter shoes."

John blushed and started sputtering but Dave left the café with a swagger in his step. Step one was a success.

Step two was: "Keep coming in to the same damn café everyday now that you've commenced conversation before, and do your thing. Until John slaps you, kicks you out or something. Even if he does, you're not going to be deterred."

Step two took the most time. Dave kept coming in to the same café over again, only this time leaving notes on the bills and casually flirting with John. To be even more ironic, he started using pick-up lines. Really bad, or for a word "creative" pick-up lines designed to sweep waiters/waitresses of their feet. Or at least that's what the website said. They might've been joking though but who cares; at least John is talking to you now and it makes him giddy inside.

Speaking of which, here comes John *swoon*

"Welcome to Café Skaia, may I take your order even though you hear this every single time you come,"

"I love hearing you say it though~"

"Ugh I bet you say that to all the waitresses here."

"Well…you're the only attractive waitress here and there's no one else at the moment so that leaves you, babe."

"Just order already….that's what I'm here for anyway. Taking people's orders."

"Well I was hoping you're here with me because I charmed you with my good looks and personality."

"Nah..you just amuse me that's all. You're a pretty funny guy you know, once you get past all the annoying flirting,"

"I thought you liked it so I kept doing it..You're pretty cute when you blush you know. But, I bet I can make you blush harder with what I can do.." his voice trailing off. Dave liked the banter they had every time he came. It felt like he wasn't just some nameless customer to John; he was an actual person who he bantered and teased on a day to day basis.

"Anyway..I'll have a burger. I'm in the mood for greasy American food."

"Sure thing, sweetheart. Coming right up,"

Did John just call him sweetheart? Even if it was in a mocking manner, it made him sort of happy to be called a pet name by him. _Calm down, John's not your boyfriend…yet._ He will be in time..you know if he accepts the mating signals we humans in modern day call flirting or showing interest. Though…was John even interested in Dave? Or was he just an annoyance? Oh well..unless he could probe into the inner workings of John's mind, he'd never find out.

Dave decided to get up and go to the bathroom. He really needed to wash his hands and his face to clear his head. On the way to the men's room, he overheard two voices talking; he recognized one of the voices as John but the other voice sounded quite harsh and ornery. It's not good manners to eavesdrop but..what they don't know won't hurt him.

"Oh my fucking god…that blonde guy with the shades comes everyday just to see your stupid face. He seems fucking shady though; who the fuck wears sunglasses indoors? Ughh out of the slightest bit of undeserved concern for your monkey-looking ass: has that person been bothering you or something? You look like you walked into thorns when you talk to him but also..you seem kind of happy to see him. Why? You like that douche or something?

_Hey! Oh wait..nearly said that out loud..what, they're talking about me?_

"Yeah, I guess I do, Karkat..he's an interesting guy once you talk to him..kinda weird though. His so-called metaphors confuse the fuck out of me. Despite all of his annoying flirting…I like seeing him come everyday. Certainly makes my day way more interesting. But..is he even serious about it? Or is he just joking?"

"Egbert, I'm not a fucking relationship counselor but I'm pretty damn sure that if a guy comes in everyday, just to see and talk to you to this shithole of a café, he's pretty into you. It's your call whether you want to make yaois with him or whatever Nepeta calls those damn boy's love animes. It's not everyday you're in a romantic comedy situation…"

"I'll consider it..thanks Karkat!"

"No problem, you pathetic little human. Those other orders are getting cold you know…."

"Ahhhh, Oh my God! I forgot!" He heard John rush off to the cooks' window, rushing to get everyone's order before they got mad and decided not to tip.

_Whoa…John actually likes me? I have a chance? Wait….how the fuck did he think I wasn't being serious about the flirting? I know I don't have to go save him from a damn dragon in his tower and wake him up with a kiss to show my dedication, but God…Hmm maybe I wasn't being forward enough? After all..pretty much everyone knows I'm kind of a flirt. Not that I have been flirting with other people for a while..They're not as interesting as John…_

Pensively thinking about what he overheard, Dave went back to his seat, tapping fingers, waiting for John to come back.

"Your greasy, all American burger hath arrived. No liability is ensued in case of the following: heart attack, stroke, heart disease, and other life-threatening symptoms."

"Oh well..you get 25% of the bill and 100% of my heart,"

"Eww I don't want your diseased heart. Gross..I admit that that was actually pretty good..got anymore up your sleeve?"

"Oh I don't know…I'm not gonna be the one pulling all the weight in this relationship. I'm not Atlas man, I can't carry the world of relationship stuff on my frail, poor back,"

"You asked for it then…lemme think: our catch of the day: me, babe."

"Quaint..but," Dave stood up and leaned into John's ear. He felt the heat of his blush as his breath was felt on his ear. Dave resisted the urge to bite on his soft-looking, tempting ear. "Then..I'll have takeout of the special of the day. No dressings. I like it best..natural and bare."

Now Johns' face really flared up, blood pooling up in his cheeks. Fuck Strider, no seriously fuck him. No, not like that…maybe…what?

"Stop being a fucking tease man. I thought this was supposed to be the part where you get on your knee and you romantically ask me out because I'm a bit tired of this whole flirting business."

"Great minds think alike huh? Tell you what..you brought me lunch, I'll buy you dinner. What's your favorite place 'sides here?"

"The Thai place down the street is pretty good. Pick me up at seven and you got yourself a date, Mr. Strider. Oh and by the way.." John leaned up and gave Dave a small kiss on the cheek, feeling the hotness of it. "That was only..a small, innocent teaser of tonight. Play your cards right boy, and oh by the way…I thought you'd never ask me out.."

The plan was a success…wait there was never really a plan but who cares? He's got a hot date with the cute waiter and he better not screw this up. But nooo…what could possibly go wrong when a Strider's got it all under control. Now..to make reservations and plan on the *possible* second date.


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N: this chapter was never supposed to happen in the first place wtf. but hahah hope you enjoy cute dorks flirting and overprotective best friends uwu)**

To say that Dave was nervous at all was a giant understatement. As much as he would love to admit that he was totally chill and level-headed about his upcoming date with John, he's currently in panic mode. By panic mode, it means that he's already mentally rehearsed what he'll say on his date with John. Wow, he finally got a date with the hot waiter from Café Skaia: John. He knew patience would pay off but who knew John actually liked him? Come on Strider, keep your cool. You are mister cool. You're so cool that Antarctica can suck your dick because you're way cooler than that frozen tundra. Well not literally, you don't wanna get dick frostbite and have it amputated or some shit cause then you'll be dickless and that's not bene. Unless some asshole calls you a dick and then you can be like hah, I have no dick suckers but then that would devalue your masculinity or whatever you have of it left. Whatever, you're so cool, like penguins. Man penguins are cool; they already have snazzy suits on their body and they have sick moves, sliding on the ice and being graceful as fuck underwater. Fuck flying, gliding underwater like a war torpedo. Leopard seals are somewhat cool but they eat penguins and that's not cool. So cool, you should change your middle name to Antarctica so your full name would be Dave Antarctica Strider…maybe Dave Motherfucking Strider would be better; pretty sure you can't have a continent for a middle name. Yes, you there cool guy? You're so cool that in no time, you'll have bitches all over your dick. Well there's only one Dave wanted on his dick….not that John's a bitch in anyway. He's an A-grade, all-star, 10/10 rated piece of cutie pie and you wanna piece of that. Oh my god Dave, this is why you shouldn't talk to yourself. Fuck, have to get up all these stairs. Fucking elevator doesn't work.

It's only 40 minutes until you had to go pick him up. He hoped John gave him the right address to his apartment. Okay, game time Strider. You got a date with him; let's see if you can get a second, third, fourth or maybe an infinite amount of dates. Well unless you guys become boyfriends and get married but it's way too soon to think about that. It's a nice thought, being John's new boyfriend. Imagining even more dates and time spent together made Dave smile a bit. _Just keep your cool and don't flip; you don't wanna freak him out_, he told himself. He arrived at John's apartment number: 413. Knocking on the door and waiting for it to open, tapping his fingers on his legs. Fuck, was he dressed appropriately? He was wearing black skinny jeans that supposedly made his ass look great, a red t-shirt with a graphtti and music notes design topped off with a black leather jacket. Suddenly, his wonderful, good-looking date opened the door. John was wearing a blue and yellow plaid shirt over a blue shirt with a chain with a wind symbol on it with just plain old but nice jeans. He also brought along his cute face and a cheeky grin.

"Hey, there Dave! Wow, you're early. Hehehe I like that in a date. Late ones are such assholes you know? It's a privilege to take me out on a date, Strider."

"So I see. The product of my arduous quest to get, you, my maiden to go on a thai-food date with me. I just wanted to pick my prize up early before anyone else gets it."

"I'm not just some prize to be won. Hmph I feel so offended. I'm going back in my room and crying right now", he stated with a dramatic flair. Dave chuckled at this.

"Noo, you're google. You have everything I'm searching for."

"Oh really? That line? That was kinda good but please, no more pick-up lines. I wanna see what you got there~" he replied with a cheeky tone. Fuck, he's a keeper.

"I've got one more though, hold on: If I had a garden, I'd put my two lips and your two lips together."

"Hahah have to warn you though. Mine die if..they're not properly taken care of,"

"I'll keep that noted in my "how to woo John Egbert guide. Need to update the latest version of it. Gotta be the first to know all the tips and tricks of wooing an Egbert right here."

"Well, maybe if this goes well," he leans up and whispers into Dave's ear, "I'll tell you even more secret tricks to woo me. For now, you're on your own, boy."

"I'll play you like my turntables. You'll be making sick beats for me before you know it~" John blushed at Dave's suggestive behavior. Wow, he liked Dave a lot; soon enough if he keeps being his dumb ironic self, well..there'll be adventures under the sheets. Not on the first date though…that happened later. Strider however might get moved to the VIP line to the exclusive club of John Egbert's pants.

"Well…shall we go? As much as I love your flirtiness, we must eat. I'm fucking starving!" John's stomach growled in order to emphasize this part. "Oh, by the way, my roommate is out for the night."

"And you're telling me this why? Ohh I get it. Ehh, kinda sly Egbert, getting your roommate outta here for some..privacy later."

"Shut up, I didn't make him leave. Karkat just went off and told me he'd be back later tomorrow. Don't know what's he doing though..he might've hung out with Sollux.." he mused. They both walked out of the apartment buildings, breathing in the fresh, cool air of the evening. Just six blocks until they reached the Thai restaurant.

Dave and John walk in near comfortable silence, just content with their thoughts. They were both curious about the other after all, they didn't know each other that well besides what they told each other when flirting.

"I've got a game for you, John. So I don't know you and you don't me well enough. Well, I do know that you're not some kind of shady guy but…one could never know. So, let's play a game: instead of asking about the usual topics. Let's do 20 questions but with a small change: you have to list 20 facts about yourself and I have to respond with another fact."

"That's way more interesting than in other past dates. Extra points for you, Strider. Hmm let's see if I have any: I'm deathly allergic to peanuts"

"Ouch, glad you told me that. Wouldn't want to like murder you with peanut sauce. Can't be in a relationship with a dead corpse. Not into necrophilia dude. Umm I know how to use legit ninja swords. I actually used to fight with my older brother with them all the time. Beat my ass every time though."

"Oh, how can sir Strider protect me from the bandits after my heart if he couldn't beat his brother?" he exclaimed dramatically.

"Hey, don't disrespect Bro, he's got skills man. I can still give those bandits a good beating or two like Mario to those flying turtle shells. Can't jump that high and I'm certainly not an Italian plumber."

"I'll take your word for it then. Hahah I ain't no Princess Peach you know, I know how to swing a warhammer you know. Heheh, my mentor taught me! How do you think I got..these guns." John flexed his arms out for show. Wow, they were pretty impressive for a man of his size. Wonder how they'd feel around him..nope not getting there right now, Strider.

"Oh man. Don't shoot me with those AK-47's you have there. Need some time to bring out my Japanese katanas there. Your guns are no match for my swords."

"Oh yeahhhh Strider? Wanna try and see later?"

"Woah there, didn't peg you as the type to fuck on the first date."

"I don't…I fuck on the third date. That is…if we even have a third date."

"Oh we will, Egbert. I'm not passing up a chance for some Egbert ass", he remarked, winking at John.

"You're being way too overconfident boy..I like that," John and Dave continued walking to the restaurant, exchanging facts and things about themselves. What Dave learned from John was that: his dad baked way too many cakes for his own good. God, how could he bake that much. Self-proclaimed prank master. Had a roommate that was super ornery and swore most of the time but he was reliable. A biology major at the local university in town but took on the job as a waiter to pay off college debt. Loved really shitty movies especially with Nic Cage in them

"Don't insult the Cage man."

"I'm not. I'm just critically analyzing the sheer shittiness of his acting like come on. It pained my sensitive eyes to even look at the movie posters with him in it."

"Knock it off. You just have a terrible appreciation for Nic Cage, I feel sorry for you, man."

"In that case…take your pity to some orphans in Africa cause I ain't gonna develop a huge man-crush on him like you."

"Knock it off! I don't have a crush on him. I like someone else…"

"EHhh tell me, tell me, tell me! Who's the lucky person? Squeeeeee OMG" Dave exclaimed in the manner of a teenage girl; to be IRONIC OF COURSE.

"You know, silly."

"I think I need a…" Dave moved closer to John leaning forward to his face, breath hot on John's face "a little hint"

"My crush who I've been dying to date…hmm how do I describe him? He's tall, blonde with really good cheekbones. He wears stupid aviators all the time, makes complicated metaphors to be quote *ironic* and..he loves his coffee black with four creamers and a pack of sugar." Dave blushed at this confession but he hid it well from John.

"Ohhh sounds like I know your crush pretty well," Dave teased, looking at John and winking at him. "I have a guy I'm crushing on too OMG"

"Gasp, really? I thought by like your looks, you have bitches crawling on your dick. How do you get them off so you can like piss?"

"Ehh I have my ways; bug spray works for most of the time. But you know who I like? A black-haired dork with buckteeth, a dorky smile and he makes a great coffee too at Café Skaia and who've I've been dying to go out with since I met him."

John blushed madly at this statement, looking away from Dave. "Aww, that wins you some points there, Strider."

"Wait, you're keeping track? Heh, what's my score now, babe?"

"The use of babe deducts 5 points because don't use those girly terms on me. Right now, by the way you're acting…hmm.. You've got 67 points in my score book."

"Two away from 69 and you know what that means~"

"You shut up right there mister, I'm not having any sex quips tonight. I don't fuck on the first date after all.'

"Maybe I can get you to..loosen your policy."

"It still stands but, do well enough and I'll lower it to second date providing you get one."

"I'm planning on it. My prospects looks great though."

"Don't get your hopes up way too high Strider. You never know. You could be a loser living with his mom in a basement after all."

"Nahh, love my mom though. I have my sister as a good enough mom substitute already"

"D'aww, Dave Strider's a mommy's boy? Tehehe that's cute~"

"Oh, shut it. Of course I love my mom. She had the duty of bringing this hot piece of ass into the world. Baby me brought awe and wonder to the world. I beat the second coming of Christ." John only laughed and chuckled at this. Man, Dave was more endearing than he thought; he was falling for the guy even harder now. They both walked on, continuing to talk, share stories and just get to know each other. It was really nice and the most fun John's ever had on a date.

They got there at the Thai place somewhat early so they got seated fairly quickly by the hostess there. It was a nice place in general; dim lighting filled the place up with soft music playing in the background. The air was filled with the smell of food and the chatter of the patrons there.

"Umm..So, John what do wanna get? Pad Thai is always a normal standard thing to get but then again…what's….umm John? Yoohoo? You there?" Dave noticed John staring off into space; he was eying these people who seemed like they were spying on them but, did John know who they were? Weird.

"John Egburritooo, are you with us right now? Should I call a medium to bring you back in case you're possessed by some freaky ghost Ouija shit? I know a good medium; well she's a great friend of mine, a little too obsessed with Indy Jones movies and archaeology. The medium thing is just a hobby of hers. Spends a lot of time taking care of this guy who's into computers and programming though.."

John noticed that Dave was blathering on about..what was it mediums and this programming guy; that sounded a bit like Sollux..hmm. "Oh, sorry. It's just..that I don't know; those people at the table across me give me kinda a creepy vibe like I know them from somewhere. Hah, maybe I shouldn't worry too much; I'm just being paranoid."

"No worries, I'll be here to fend off any stalkers you might have unless you're secretly a world famous popstar then I'd rather not get my dick torn off by crazy groupies."

"I thought you said you'd protect me from all the bad people..am I just not protectable enough for you?" John asked in a mocking tone, being overly dramatic as princesses go.

"I'd still protect you from all the bandits and bad guys; just groupies are scary as fuck. My bro always told me: don't mess with crazed teenage girls; it'll be the end of you."

"Haha, do you always listen to your brother?"

"He's my yoda, telling me life shit and how to be cool in all. In fact, I have a Broda."

"I feel that it's quoted from somewhere else.." The waiter came over with two glasses of water. Both John and Dave ordered the same dish-Pad Thai because as Dave put it "Umm aren't thai places famous for it like national trademark food to sell off. Cause no one knows about any of the other dishes". They both sat and chatted some more for a bit before their food came piping hot, noodles glazed in a brown sauce with eggs, chicken and vegetables.

Before they got through halfway through their dishes, a red-haired girl came barging in with a cane with a dragon head at the top. She wore unusual red shades, all in an almond, sharp shape wearing a bright red sweater, a blue undershirt and jeans. She also carried in her book bag probably filled with textbooks.

"Hiya, Karkless! What's a guy like you doing in the same Thai place where John has his date right now. Gasp..Don't tell me..Noooo you left me out of the fun; how could you, Karkles, how could you" She greeted the two with a dramatic tone. She brought up a chair from one of the other tables and joined Karkat and Sollux, still eating their meal.

"Goddamit Terezi. You nearly blew my cover like it's called a secret investigation for a reason like I wouldn't just barge in to your fucking court cases and shit. Call me Karkles and I swear that you won't see the light of say". Karkat spat out. Dave saw a Hispanic man with brown, messy hair, dark circles with a scowl on his mouth which he guessed was Karkat. He was with a tall man with brown hair, neat but with bangs hanging from the sides of his head. He wore shades with red and blue lenses. Weird. Dave briefly wondered about who they were before he saw John go over to the table where everyone else.

"Karkat.." John stated in a tense tone, "What the fuck are you doing here while I'm on a date with Dave now."

"Oh, can't a fucking human being even eat in the same vicinity as you, Egbert. Like can't you just let me eat these goddam Thai noodles without you scrutinizing me because I'm a fucking human being with rights and you don't own this restaurant anyway." Karkat rambled on while still eating some of the noodles he ordered. They were really fucking delicious but John looked at him with a disapproving look and a pursued lip.

"Karkat…You came to spy on me when I told you about my date with him at work. You never go out to eat unless it's either: a celebration which doesn't happen a lot with you or you're just being a douchenozzle of a best friend and acting like my mom again or you're desperate for food which doesn't happen much."

"Yeth, you totally got that right. Whohoo. KK just wants to make sure that wittle John here ithn't dating anyone bad or who'll break his heart cauthe KK right here is a fucking momma bear when it cometh to his friends. I'm just here for the food; ith great but a bit too thpicy also KK wanted me to come talk you guys. Oh by the way, nameth' Sollux" The tall guy with Karkat noted, speaking with a somewhat of a lisp leaking out. He had a bored but amused expression on his face as he watched Karkat and John argue. Meanwhile, Terezi or whatever her name was inched closer to Dave, getting near his face which flustered Dave while she took a big sniff from him.

"Hehehe, you smell niceeeeeee like cherry soda. Heheh like dear Karkat here! What's your name, cutie piee? Mine's Terezii"

"Umm thanks…name's Dave, heh." Dave inched away from the red-haired girl sporting a wide, Cheshire cat like grin. He looked at John arguing with Karkat (exasperated but in good nature) with Sollux making sarcastic quips whenever he could. Haha, looked like Egbert had a very interesting group of friends here.

"In case you're wondering, hehehe they just act like that all the time. Karkat's so meddlesome in terms of romance. If you want advice in romance, you should call him cause he watches so many shitty romcoms, hehehe. Me: while I can't give you romantic advice, I sure can give you legal advice."

"Oh really? Better call you in case I need justice served. On a silver platter with complimentary drinks. Meanwhile, you can call me anytime you want to hear any sick beats or whatnot. Non-romantically cause John's my…you know.."

"I know Dave~ it's soo obvious from the way he talks about you, hehe. I just wanna make new friends you know cause, as much as I love Karkles here, he can be a pain in the ass to deal with. I like you already, coolkid."

Terezi definitely was an interesting character even if she sniffed him earlier; she seems like she'd be a good friend to have and besides, her shades were cool so bonus points in the Strider book. Now..on the subject of John arguing with Karkat and Sollux…

"Umm excuse me. I hate to break you up with this lovely couple here, John but umm, we kinda have a date to go on. I'll be sure to take great care of him, Karkat~"

Karkat flushed bright red at the "couple" statement and nearly sputtered out curse words, being embarrassed about being with Sollux in that way. "F-fucking. We are not going out and I am definitely not dating this lisping boy right here."

"That hurt my poor delicate feelings, KK. I thought we had thomething. I'm gonna go cry now in thith corner with thome more of thith Thai tea.."

"Awwwww come on, Karkles~ Heheh you really like him do you? I can smell the way you want his dick~" Terezi interjected, teasing Karkat with a cheeky smile. She took a ton of joy in teasing Karkat and it was clearly riling him up. His hair stood a bit on end as he fought a huge blush on his face, sputtering out incoherent nonsense.

"Oh my fucking god, Terezi. We are not discussing whether I want Captor's fucking dick in public. Oh and call me Karkles again and I'll steal all your legal papers and burn them."

"Awww come on KK. If you really wanted my dick tho badly, all you had to do was akth~ Though later in private, KK.."

"Oh fuck you Captor. Fuck you and your entire existence into this shit world, you dickquaffing douchnozzle."

"Only if you akth nicely, I'll let you get a taste of me; only if you beg for it~"

"Stop making everything I say into a fucking sexual innuendo to fulfil your sick, perverted fantasies."

"I'll sexual your innuendos, KK~"

"S-shut the fuck up, asswaffle…We're still friends right?"

"Yes, yes, you always fucking akth this and I always say yes becauthe you're just adorable thometimeth."

"Oh, just shut your bipolar chute. I'm not adorable; it's adorabloodthristy fuckass. Ughh I swear I can never tell if you're serious or not," Karkat muttered in his breath.

Dave, John and Terezi were just staring at the two in awe as they bantered and traded quips with an *obvious*flirtatious intention. How the fuck are they not dating? I mean, come on, they're so married, the three thought. Well…they knew who the next hookup project is, hehehe.

Terezi prepared to leave with Sollux and Karkat in tow, still bickering amongst themselves. "I'll get these two boys outta here so mommy Karkat won't worry to death over little John. Byee and bring your boyfriend around more often, tehehehe."

"Bye, Karkat! Have fun with Sollux but not too much fun. Gotta remember protection."

"Fuck you Egbert.." Karkat retorted with a blush adorning his face. "Oh and Strider, you better take good fucking care of him or I'll tear your dick off and feed it too you."

"Right, got that, Miss Egbert and don't worry about it. Just have fun with your boy toy." Karkat only muttered curse words at him before leaving the restaurant, walking next to Sollux with Terezi in tow.

"Umm wow, your friends/coworkers are a very interesting bunch…."

"That's only a small part of them. You do not want to see them all drunk at out annual Christmas party. Oh man, shit goes down."

"Is there a chance I'll get invited to those crazy Christmas parties because I can handle crazy shit; I deal with it everyday like ninjas beating up shoguns in their quest for honor; only I'm after the goal of absolute coolness"

"Yes, Dave. You're cool. Mister cool. So cool even."

"Thank you very much John. Soo hehe, should we like continue to eat cold noodles or should we do another thing?"

"Let's finish eating and then hmm..I'm in the mood for some ice cream but haha, it's already been so fun talking with you tonight. I'm glad we went on a date…"

Dave was pretty sure he was gonna explode from all the cute because goddammit, John was just too adorable sometimes. Fuck. They both sat down and finished the remaining parts of their meal. Dave offered to pay which garnered a huge protest from John but they eventually agreed to split the cost 50/50. After they paid, they walked out into the cool night air and went towards the ice cream shop two blocks away. John got blueberry while Dave got cookie dough and both tried each other's cone though embarrassed at the implications of this.

Nine blocks later, Dave walked John home to the entrance of his apartment building. Dave should've just said his goodbyes but..he didn't want the date to end just yet.

"Hahah, I had a really fun time with you, Dave despite my friends coming in unexpectedly.."

"No problemo, Egburrito. At least your friends are interesting per say. Means you're an equally interesting person attracting those kinds of friends."

"Yeah, Karkat can be a pain in the ass but he cares a lot so yeah, don't take anything he says way too personally because you will get hurt and I pegged you as having an inflated ego."

"No worries, my ego is stronger than the defense treaties of the United States, done by the totally rad Obama. Soo..umm if this date was so great, is there gonna be a second one soon?"

"You sir have racked up enough points to claim a second date. Congrats and here's my number in case you wanna call/text me." John scribbled out his phone number on a strip of paper and Dave did the same too. "For being such an interesting and cool date, you get a special bonus prize from me~"

"Well, what is-" Dave was suddenly interrupted by John's lips pressed to his. Taken aback, he kissed him back, holding his hands as they kissed on the sidewalk. John sneaked his hands up to wrap them around Dave's neck, deepening the kiss. Their lips moves perfectly with one another, Dave noting how slightly chapped but how perfectly John's lips moved against his. They separated, a trail of saliva connecting them. John smiled softly at Dave, preparing to go back in but held his hand for a little while longer. But then, he leaned up to Dave's cheek to give him a small, chaste goodnight kiss and then leaning to whisper in his ear, hot breath ghosting over.

"Goodnight, Dave~" John whispered as he walked back inside the building. That wonderful, enchanting boy disappeared into the halls of the apartment building leaving Dave standing outside in a daze with a loopy smile.

Best ending to a date ever.


End file.
